The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
by Chess
Summary: Severus Snape and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Next time, I said, I’m joining the Death Eaters.


Full title, which, sadly, would not fit: Severus Snape and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day  
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter.  
Notes: Based on _Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day_.

I went to sleep with greasy hair and now there's a dungbomb on my pillow and when I got out of bed I tripped on my broom and by mistake I burned the sleeve of my robe when I was trying to warm my hands and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast, Bellatrix found a letter from her boyfriend and Lucius found a hot blonde girl named Narcissa but all I found was a note from James Potter, challenging me to a duel.

I think I'll join the Death Eaters.

In potions Professor Slughorn payed attention to Evans and Black got lots of attention too. I said I was being discriminated against. I said he was being unfair. I said, if you don't pay attention to me I am going to blow something up. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In Charms Professor Flitwick liked Potter's cheering charm better than my Crucio spell.

In Defense Against the Dark Arts the teacher said my spell wouldn't work. In Divination the teacher said I didn't see anything in my crystal ball. Who needs crystal balls?

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Lupin said I wasn't his best friend anymore. He said the Sirius Black was his best friend and that James Potter was his next best friend and that I was only his third best friend.

I hope you fall off your broom, I said to Lupin. I hope the next time you leave school you get attacked and land in the middle of some Death Eaters.

There was two boxes of candy in Evan Rosier's parcel and Lucius got a new cloak and Regulus' mother sent him a bottle of poison for killing Muggles and mudbloods. Guess whose mother forgot to send him anything?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because after lunch the Marauders ambushed me and my friends and gave a black eye to just me. Come to the hospital wing and next time I'll stop them, said Lupin.

"Next time," I said, "I'm joining the Death Eaters."

On the way to the hospital wing I got tripped by Peeves and while I was waiting for Madame Pomfrey to fix my eye Potter made me swallow something I'm pretty sure was poison and when I started crying because I was going to die Black said called me Snivellus and while I was punching Black for saying Snivellus Madame Pomfrey came back with my medicine and took points away from me for biting Black's ear.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then we snuck out to Hogsmeadeto buys candy at Honeyduke's. Lucius got a sugar quill. Regulus got some Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. I asked for a pumpkin pasty, but the candy woman said, We're all sold out. Lucius made me buy a cockroach cluster, but he can't make me eat it.

When we went to Transfiguration with Professor Mcgonagall she said I couldn't turn Potter into a pig, but I forgot. She also said to watch out for Lupin's books on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my wand. She also said don't go messing around with people in dark robes, but I think I got a Dark Mark. Professor Mcgonagall said not to come to Transfiguration anymore.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was House Elf hair in my dinner and I hate House Elf hair.

There was joy and cheer in the Common Room and I hate joy and cheer.

My shower wouldn't run, I got bitten by my teacup, my wand got lost out the window, and I had to wear my Snitch pajamas. I hate my Snitch pajamas.

When I went to bed Rosier took back the Dark Arts book he said I could keep and the Voldemort pin-up fell down and Lucius invaded our dorm.

The owls want to sleep with Rosier, not with me.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Lucius says some days are like that.

Even with the Death Eaters.


End file.
